Would you tell a man to wear women's shoes if they didn't have his size in men's? No? Why not?
It's a fair question to ask, but it seems to elicit snarky remarks when I do. This is not some random question I ask strangers, but when I have told people that I wear a women's size 12 and have trouble finding shoes that are comfortable and inexpensive, they recommend the men's section. I ask if they would make a similar suggestion to a man, such as "if they don't have your size, look in the women's section."
It doesn't go over very well. I ask why I should be expected to wear shoes that are too wide and unflattering, and then it usually devolves into me being "weird" or "unusual," and "what do you expect when you have such big feet?"
I have been tall my entire life. One of the biggest downsides to being tall (besides the dumb questions and comments) is the inevitably large, cruise ship-sized feet. It is much easier to find stylish shoes in my size than it was 30 years ago, but it's still more of an effort than I believe it should be.
I get the most clueless comments from women who have "normal" feet. They tell me where they shop and seem shocked that I don't shop there as well, and when I have made the mistake of going to a mall with them, they can't understand why I'm not looking at the shoes. I tell them that the particular store doesn't stock my size. I remind them (again) that I wear a 12.
"Well, I saw some 10s and 11s when I was in here last week. "
Seriously? What good does a size 11 do me when I wear a 12? I then suggest that instead of asking the clerk for the size 7 they need to just get a 6 and see how well that does.
That doesn't go over very well either. I end up getting either a vacant stare or a brief expression of sympathy, but it is quickly replaced with "I'm so glad I don't have that problem."
I have not once had anyone suggest shopping at a store that can accommodate me. Instead I am expected to sit quietly during their shopping experience, only speaking when asked which of the multiple pairs of essentially the same shoe look better.
I have learned that this is not only a sign that my shopping companions are clueless but devoid of empathy as well. If you meet someone who is different from you in various ways, isn't it entirely likely that they will have different experiences and needs from your own?
It's not something one typically publicly attributes to their expertise, but I have been a chronically relapsing addict/alcoholic with bi-polar...BPD(?) who has been in and out of AA for 35 yrs, psych wards, rehabs, therapeutic communities Salvation Army's, homeless shelters, halfway houses, 10 yrs of homelessness and 15 yrs firsthand experience with the notorious South Florida treatment center/sober living "industry".
ReplyDeleteYou are the first person in my entire "career" either with or without drugs, to have pointed out what you'd think were some obvious trouble spots in an otherwise well intentioned endeavor. I appreciate that you don't come off as vitriolic against recovery or the 12 steps, but simply point out potentially fatal flaws in recovery aftercare -which I have experienced first hand multiple times -that either go noticed out of pure ignorance or intentionally in order to go along to get along with herd.
I:lol be the first to admit that I have been far from perfect, but have often felt like the lone individual in sober living facilities who hasn't been overtaken by body snatchers.
Thanks so much for your comment. Sorry it took me so long to respond. It's a warped culture to try to recover in, and things definitely need to change.
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